Yep, you’re right … I replied sarcastically

This is an example of what it can be like living with Relationship OCD. Otherwise I guess you could call it intrusive thoughts that focus on my relationship.

So today I got an intrusive thought. 
I recalled (for no apparent reason) a story of this guy (he’s a friend of a friend).
that he had cheated on his partner numerous times (whom he has children with). Then he proposed to his partner after she found out, and she said yes. And then years later he continued on to have an affair with this other woman, even though he was still with his partner (now wife??) and their children. Then I also find out (or came to the conclusion) that he actually ended up leaving his partner to be with this other woman and then he actually married her. So that was my intrusive thought of the day. The kind of thought that usually stings me like a hornet.

These are the kinds of thoughts that can be very troubling to someone that suffers from intrusive thoughts that centre around their relationships. After years of suffering (torture would be a more fitting word) I actually found out that I am not alone, that there are many suffering from what is known as Relationship OCD.

But today, I just said, yep (sarcastically), thats what I am going to do, I am going to go off and have an affair, I’m never going to be able to break it off, and then I’m going to marry that person. Yep, that is what is going to happen.

I’m deliberately exposing myself by writing this, because apparently, with intrusive thoughts, that is what you are suppose to do.

Thanks for listening!

 

 

Advertisements

OCD

My thoughts today. I think the thing that makes the person feel ill about the OCD thing is the repeated urge to solve something. Its like a task master telling you, that you have to complete the steps (rituals/compulsions) and additionally solve the dilemma. If you don’t do this, then you cannot enjoy what you are otherwise doing. In fact you aren’t allowed to do it at all.

God give me the strength today,  in the name of Jesus. That “ill feeling” has returned, I was quite enjoying life without it. Forgive me for all my sins and deliver me from what ever it is that I cannot see or do myself. Have mercy on all those that suffer from this disease today, and particularly those that suffer from Relationship OCD. I pray for breakthrough and deliverance, and I pray we hear testimony of this for the building up of other believers. Thank you, I ask this in Jesus name who died so that I and many more could overcome this. Amen

rOCD hope stories #2

Below is a great testimony I read ….. For your hope, and mine!!! (Note I have edited out parts) for the full version, click the link below.

Read more: http://www.healthboards.com/boards/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/477855-relationship-ocd-ocd-recovery.html#ixzz47iQC6qEI

I havn’t posted on this forum in ages , first and foremost i’m too scared to do so because i revisit the terrible feelings i experienced while going through relationship ocd and worring about my sexuality.

i must say at the time it almost crippled my life my relationship , my health and me as a person. I broke up with my gf 3 years ago ( now with GOD’S help the help of my psych and my will we’re getting married ) because i kept doubting how i felt about her , it was traumatic for her and myself.

I thought i wasn’t in love with her , i noticed all her faults ( as no one is perfect ) and kept worrying about them, thinking she wasn’t the one for me. i would look at her to test if i felt anything ( butterflies ) and usually i didn’t.

This freaked me out , we argued , we cried , i’d wake up at weird hours ,
i confessed and eventually i broke down thinking she wasn’t for me. I

essentially pushed out the love of my life and it was a terrible experience for me because deep down i loved her but ocd was telling me and made me feel ( and still does ) like i didn’t . Like i said what freaked me out is that it reallly felt like i didn’t love her , and when i would ask people they would say ohh you probably don’t love her ( not knowing that i had ocd or what it can do to me ) . Whilst on our second break i had a thought maybe i don’t love women and maybe i just like men. From this day i spiralled further into depression , i hated work , i was scared and had no one to turn to except GOD. Everyday i would prey hoping i could figure myself out , but let me tell you GOD will only help those who help themselves. I visited 2 psychologists who did help but didn’t know enough about ocd to understand it and help me recover.

Then one day i met a psych who was very experienced with ocd , at the time i though i had it but i didn’t believe it was bad and was the cause of me thinking this way. This psych even has ocd himself and has spent a decade researching and writing books about ocd. He told me that what i was going through was ocd and that he had dealt with many people like me and alot had recovered, i still doubted him and it took 2 weeks for me to realise that i had ocd and was the cause of all this , it was such a relief.

The professor was expensive but i knew health both mental and physical happiness and well being was priceless so i paid and am still paying for his help. I can no say that i don’t worry so much about being attracted to guys , as i know i’m not like that, i can now say that i don’t worry so much about doubting my feelings for my fiance, things worry me everyday but i no longer feel so depressed , i do have my ups and downs and back then luvox also helped me step away from it all and did help me start recovering. Guys i feel better, and although i’m scared that just because i wrote this something bad will now happen to me i want to give you and not only you but me hope. Hope that you can do this. All you need is belief in God , i’m not a preacher but it helped me , you also need to move on through the toughest of times and not give up until you start feeling happy again , start feeling normal again, try whatever it takes to make you happy, if your meds aren’t working ( cautiously ) take others, if your psych isn’t working find another or a specialist in ocd ( very important ) and do as much research as you can because if you don’t do it know one will. You know what is making you upset so fix it! weather it is relationship ocd , fear of death , fear of aids anything please get help.

Turns out i’ve had ocd my whole life and at times it has got the better of me , when i was a kid i ate soap so my brother wouldn’t die — ocd will make you do anything to get rid of that depressing feeling , fight it and don’t give up. To this day is still have doubts but i must say they are under control , and my fiance and i still argue at times and again sometimes my ocd makes it so much worse because it magnifies everything but please keep chipping away and find happiness because you deserve it.

I only wrote this post because a member wrote an inspiring post when i was really down , it not only gave me hope but helped in my recovery , yes it might come back but God is with me and i just have to keep trying 

Don’t give up, the glass is half full…

Staying with the Fear

This is the post excerpt.

Last night I was filled with fear. I couldn’t face it. I was going to call my husband to come and comfort me but I resisted the urge. Instead I stayed with the fear. I lay curled in bed with the unbearable feelings of fear all around me. As I stayed with the fear, and looked at it. The fear said to me. You want to leave your husband. You have to leave your husband. The only way to freedom is to leave your husband. I stayed with that fear. I allowed it all the space it wanted.

Suddenly, with no effort of my own. The fear released its grip. I could sense the exact moment it happened. Like a lack band stretching and then it snaps, but in a good way! The feeling of being able to breath. The feeling of a different reality with the clouds gone.

I no longer felt afraid. The next moment I looked again at what the fear said. But I got an incredible insight into my fear. I did not WANT to leave my husband. But the fear rather was this: “I am afraid that I think that I want to leave my husband”

Its a big difference between actually wanting to, and being tormented by the thought. The thought that i am going to do something absolutely so terrible and horrific.

Then I thought about all the things that I was afraid to do because of this one belief that continually plays in my head. Now that I was correctly looking at the lie I was believing I could do everything I wasn’t doing that I WANTED to do.

This is my story, I a sufferer of relationship OCDFear-is-a-Liar