Faith in my wellness

Today as I was walking out of the shops a notion came to mind
“I am to have faith in my own wellness”

A lot of the time, when I am down spiralling, I tend to have faith in being unwell.
I reach out to others begging for them to lend me some of their faith.
Just for a moment, just a little bit, just a teaspoon of it, and then I will be all well.
But I am to have faith in my own wellness.
For there is life in these words, and life in these thoughts.

Yesterday I asked my Mum to pray for me. But you see, you need to pray the day before, because you don’t know what battles the angels may have to go through to get to your doorstep on they way to answering a prayer. The prayer was finally received by the evening, when I experienced peace in my heart. And I was able to lay down and rest.

I awoke several times. The first time to sweet smelling flowers.

Then next to sweet smelling flowers again, but this time I could sense my spirit being lifted up, raised up by the Holy Spirit. I said to God “God pull me even closer to you”. The instant I prayed this, I experienced my spirit being raised as if on an elevator, even closer to God.

Oh how I long for His presence, how I long to experience His presence continually.

This is my prayer: That I am given the gift of peace. That I may keep it whether life is smooth or rough.





My thoughts today. I think the thing that makes the person feel ill about the OCD thing is the repeated urge to solve something. Its like a task master telling you, that you have to complete the steps (rituals/compulsions) and additionally solve the dilemma. If you don’t do this, then you cannot enjoy what you are otherwise doing. In fact you aren’t allowed to do it at all.

God give me the strength today,  in the name of Jesus. That “ill feeling” has returned, I was quite enjoying life without it. Forgive me for all my sins and deliver me from what ever it is that I cannot see or do myself. Have mercy on all those that suffer from this disease today, and particularly those that suffer from Relationship OCD. I pray for breakthrough and deliverance, and I pray we hear testimony of this for the building up of other believers. Thank you, I ask this in Jesus name who died so that I and many more could overcome this. Amen

In my weakness the Lord is my strength


I loved this popping up in my FB newsfeed, it obviously reminded me of the Bible verse (also below) and I think its true. I believe that when we arm ourselves with our weakness, the devil flees, because God is then taking over where we leave off. Its by His grace alone.

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2 Corinthians 12:9-11New King James Version (NKJV)

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

OCD … thats not true

Some more lies tried to run me over today, but I decided not to believe in them AGAIN.
I am not completely sure why, but I seem to be developing the ability to “see” more and more of my misperceptions. The below verse comes to mind as I write this:

1 Corinthians 3:6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered the plants, but God made you grow.

I suppose the reason being, is I planted the seed (decided to believe it was a lie) by doing this I then walked forward in faith and was watered by those who responded around me. However it’s neither I who planted or those who watered who is at the center of this process – its God. He’s given me the ability through the action of faith to transform my mind so that I can see.

Today I believed the lie that I wasn’t good enough, well it was for a short moment, until I decided to give it the boot and be the lovely person I really am. I felt so empowered. Instead of cowering or bowing down to the lie, I stood proud, proud of my body (ignored the lie that I should feel ashamed), and I let my personality shine. I let my intelligence come forth, my love come forth and my social butterfly strengths where unleashed. I smiled, I felt as good as the people I was talking too. I felt confident, I felt worthwhile and I felt valuable. Sorry. lets take out that “felt” part, because actually it was more important to say that “I was confident, worthwhile and valuable”, and the feeling on this occasion happened to follow.

I am noticing recently, that my mind has been responding to a simple and immediate response of: “Thats not true”. This has been my response to all OCD thoughts. They don’t get entertained fullstop. And my mind has been strengthened because I have decided to believe it myself. I am tired of looking for proof from some outside source – its an illusion that will never be quenched.

I’ve noticed that even with people that I feel intimidated by, I realise I still have the “way out” that the Lord promises me … that “way out” is to not agree with the intimidation, and I can say “thats not true”. It persists for a bit, but after a while, I am noticing my mind is really responding to the training I have been giving it. God has been good and is making my mind strong as a reward!!

Thats liberating. Thats freedom. On other days I suffer from Relationship OCD, doesn’t seem I suffer from it today though.