I just want to write while its so good. Just so you know I have suffered tremendously from Relationship OCD, but not right now. Here is a few things that has been going on. I hope it helps someone!
I’ve been going so great. Been loving my husband so much. He’s my best friend.
I cried to him this morning that I felt so let down by people. And he agreed that people are so fickle. I felt upset with some friends that they where so successful in friendships. And he said to me, “No, thats just popularity. They’re just popular, thats not a really close real friendship”. Such wisdom!!! I felt so supported and loved by him.
I am just so excited about our garden and life. I really want everything to look nice. For so long I have felt like I just can’t keep up with the Jones’ but I have felt a healthy amount of competition, where I just want to lift my game and make the most of our amazing garden. We are so unbelieveably blessed with where we are living. It just gives us so many interests and projects that we didn’t have access to in Australia.
Another thing that has moved our relationship to another level, is John pointed out to me that I never asked him about his feelings. I am so pleased I have this new bit of understanding that i can use to our advantage. It seems to have cleared away a lot of anger between us. I am not even upset when he is upset anymore. I just seem to be able to love him. Yes the same person that has suffered from Relationship OCD that is writing this.
I am just feeling so well and secure in my love with John.
Some other things: I am on 25mg of Zoloft a day. I believe it has stopped the intrusive thoughts shooting in so much.
Another thing and this is a BIG one!!!!: I have a spiritual mentor (Christian), and she said she has been learning from God a lot about shame recently in her healing rooms. She said to me just the other week that she thinks I have a spirit of shame on me. She pointed out that actually the root of the spirit of shame is not necessarily my own sin, but from my ancestors (God curse’s for ten generations the sin of illegitimacy: Deuteronomy 23:1 -2 ). Illegitimacy sin: abortion, child outside of marriage. But because we have Jesus we can claim our forgiveness through him. THIS IS GOOD NEWS!!! And its true, I’ve been realising that I suffer from tremendeous shame constantly! I have since I was a little girl. Chances are, one of my ancestors caused this shame to come upon me.
Anyway, I have repented of this and I am feeling so much better, I haven’t been getting the oppression when i wake in the morning, nor the sudden terror, which is like a shame. I still have a bit more to complete with my mentor to make sure I am fully delivered, but the first step is the awareness. At the moment the OCD seems to have stopped attacking my marriage, but its now been latching itself onto friendships. Telling me that nobody loves me, that they hate me and think I am hopeless, and generally that everyone is out to get me.
Anyway, aside from all this, I am feeling such peace in my marriage, and gratefulness for what we have.