LIFE IS SO GOOD

I just want to write while its so good. Just so you know I have suffered tremendously from Relationship OCD, but not right now. Here is a few things that has been going on. I hope it helps someone!

I’ve been going so great. Been loving my husband so much. He’s my best friend.
I cried to him this morning that I felt so let down by people. And he agreed that people are so fickle. I felt upset with some friends that they where so successful in friendships. And he said to me, “No, thats just popularity. They’re just popular, thats not a really close real friendship”. Such wisdom!!! I felt so supported and loved by him.

I am just so excited about our garden and life. I really want everything to look nice. For so long I have felt like I just can’t keep up with the Jones’ but I have felt a healthy amount of competition, where I just want to lift my game and make the most of our amazing garden. We are so unbelieveably blessed with where we are living. It just gives us so many interests and projects that we didn’t have access to in Australia.

Another thing that has moved our relationship to another level, is John pointed out to me that I never asked him about his feelings. I am so pleased I have this new bit of understanding that i can use to our advantage. It seems to have cleared away a lot of anger between us. I am not even upset when he is upset anymore. I just seem to be able to love him. Yes the same person that has suffered from Relationship OCD that is writing this.
I am just feeling so well and secure in my love with John.

Some other things: I am on 25mg of Zoloft a day. I believe it has stopped the intrusive thoughts shooting in so much.

Another thing and this is a BIG one!!!!: I have a spiritual mentor (Christian), and she said she has been learning from God a lot about shame recently in her healing rooms. She said to me just the other week that she thinks I have a spirit of shame on me. She pointed out that actually the root of the spirit of shame is not necessarily my own sin, but from my ancestors (God curse’s for ten generations the sin of illegitimacy: Deuteronomy 23:1 -2 ). Illegitimacy sin: abortion, child outside of marriage. But because we have Jesus we can claim our forgiveness through him.  THIS IS GOOD NEWS!!! And its true, I’ve been realising that I suffer from tremendeous shame constantly! I have since I was a little girl. Chances are, one of my ancestors caused this shame to come upon me.

Anyway, I have repented of this and I am feeling so much better, I haven’t been getting the oppression when i wake in the morning, nor the sudden terror, which is like a shame. I still have a bit more to complete with my mentor to make sure I am fully delivered, but the first step is the awareness. At the moment the OCD seems to have stopped attacking my marriage, but its now been latching itself onto friendships. Telling me that nobody loves me, that they hate me and think I am hopeless, and generally that everyone is out to get me.

Anyway, aside from all this, I am feeling such peace in my marriage, and gratefulness for what we have.

 

 

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The key to my good day

All in all I had a good day today. And I believe that this is the reason why:

About 3am in the morning (before this day officially began) I woke up and somehow I felt called to praise God. Somehow I felt led to it. I don’t know why.

So I went up the stairs and I mentally praised God in our living room. Nothing overly exerting, just praising Him. Nothing overly emotional, just praising Him. Not asking for anything, just acknowledging Him.

And then my daughter called out to me and I ran down stairs again into my bed.

In the morning when I awoke there was no oppression waiting for me. I just felt energised. My husband wasn’t feeling so great, yet I was able to carry this burden quite easily. I called him a few times at work in the morning to see if he was okay. He was a bit burdened, however I didn’t have any guilt, I was able to support him.

I believe the reason I was able was because I praised.

Amen!!

PS: beautiful evening with my husband, I listened to him while he told me all his worries (he complained to me recently that I never ask him how he feels). And so we spent all evening discussing how he felt. So good. A real breakthrough in our relationship has been that I simply ask him how he is feeling. Its kinda nice to not have my feelings as the focal point anymore.

 

Faith in my wellness

Today as I was walking out of the shops a notion came to mind
“I am to have faith in my own wellness”

A lot of the time, when I am down spiralling, I tend to have faith in being unwell.
I reach out to others begging for them to lend me some of their faith.
Just for a moment, just a little bit, just a teaspoon of it, and then I will be all well.
But I am to have faith in my own wellness.
For there is life in these words, and life in these thoughts.

Yesterday I asked my Mum to pray for me. But you see, you need to pray the day before, because you don’t know what battles the angels may have to go through to get to your doorstep on they way to answering a prayer. The prayer was finally received by the evening, when I experienced peace in my heart. And I was able to lay down and rest.

I awoke several times. The first time to sweet smelling flowers.

Then next to sweet smelling flowers again, but this time I could sense my spirit being lifted up, raised up by the Holy Spirit. I said to God “God pull me even closer to you”. The instant I prayed this, I experienced my spirit being raised as if on an elevator, even closer to God.

Oh how I long for His presence, how I long to experience His presence continually.

This is my prayer: That I am given the gift of peace. That I may keep it whether life is smooth or rough.

Amen

 

OCD

My thoughts today. I think the thing that makes the person feel ill about the OCD thing is the repeated urge to solve something. Its like a task master telling you, that you have to complete the steps (rituals/compulsions) and additionally solve the dilemma. If you don’t do this, then you cannot enjoy what you are otherwise doing. In fact you aren’t allowed to do it at all.

God give me the strength today,  in the name of Jesus. That “ill feeling” has returned, I was quite enjoying life without it. Forgive me for all my sins and deliver me from what ever it is that I cannot see or do myself. Have mercy on all those that suffer from this disease today, and particularly those that suffer from Relationship OCD. I pray for breakthrough and deliverance, and I pray we hear testimony of this for the building up of other believers. Thank you, I ask this in Jesus name who died so that I and many more could overcome this. Amen

Courage in the race

In a recent NCAA cross-country championship held in Riverside, California, 123 of the 128 runners missed a turn. 

One competitor, Mike Delcavo, stayed on the 10,000 meter course and began waving for fellow runners to follow him. 

Delcavo was able to convince only four other runners to go with him. 

Asked what his competitors thought of his mid-race decision not to follow the crowd, Delcavo responded, “They thought it was funny that I went the right way.” 

Delcavo was one who ran correctly. 

In the same way, our goal is to run correctly; to finish the race marked out for us by Christ. 

We can rejoice over those who have courage to follow, ignoring the laughter of the crowd. 

As the Apostle Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:7-8 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness.” 

And to keep your eyes on God you need to consistently meditate God’s Word.

Free Prayer Offer

I just wanted to put the offer out there to pray for anyone that needs prayer. I love to pray so let me know if you have any special prayer requests.

Mathew 18:19
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

In my weakness the Lord is my strength

 

I loved this popping up in my FB newsfeed, it obviously reminded me of the Bible verse (also below) and I think its true. I believe that when we arm ourselves with our weakness, the devil flees, because God is then taking over where we leave off. Its by His grace alone.

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2 Corinthians 12:9-11New King James Version (NKJV)

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.