The key to my good day

All in all I had a good day today. And I believe that this is the reason why:

About 3am in the morning (before this day officially began) I woke up and somehow I felt called to praise God. Somehow I felt led to it. I don’t know why.

So I went up the stairs and I mentally praised God in our living room. Nothing overly exerting, just praising Him. Nothing overly emotional, just praising Him. Not asking for anything, just acknowledging Him.

And then my daughter called out to me and I ran down stairs again into my bed.

In the morning when I awoke there was no oppression waiting for me. I just felt energised. My husband wasn’t feeling so great, yet I was able to carry this burden quite easily. I called him a few times at work in the morning to see if he was okay. He was a bit burdened, however I didn’t have any guilt, I was able to support him.

I believe the reason I was able was because I praised.

Amen!!

PS: beautiful evening with my husband, I listened to him while he told me all his worries (he complained to me recently that I never ask him how he feels). And so we spent all evening discussing how he felt. So good. A real breakthrough in our relationship has been that I simply ask him how he is feeling. Its kinda nice to not have my feelings as the focal point anymore.

 

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OCD

My thoughts today. I think the thing that makes the person feel ill about the OCD thing is the repeated urge to solve something. Its like a task master telling you, that you have to complete the steps (rituals/compulsions) and additionally solve the dilemma. If you don’t do this, then you cannot enjoy what you are otherwise doing. In fact you aren’t allowed to do it at all.

God give me the strength today,  in the name of Jesus. That “ill feeling” has returned, I was quite enjoying life without it. Forgive me for all my sins and deliver me from what ever it is that I cannot see or do myself. Have mercy on all those that suffer from this disease today, and particularly those that suffer from Relationship OCD. I pray for breakthrough and deliverance, and I pray we hear testimony of this for the building up of other believers. Thank you, I ask this in Jesus name who died so that I and many more could overcome this. Amen

Free Prayer Offer

I just wanted to put the offer out there to pray for anyone that needs prayer. I love to pray so let me know if you have any special prayer requests.

Mathew 18:19
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

I’m noticing something about OCD

Recently I’ve been taking a real simple approach and responding to any OCD thought with:
“Thats not true”. To be honest its actually stopped the OCD it in its tracks. Because I am essentially giving myself the confidence of coming to the same conclusion that I always end up with after any OCD episode. I’m kinda thinking, well how about I just take the attitude that I always arrive at and slot it in a bit earlier in the process, rather than exhausting myself. So I stopped entertaining the thought.

I started to notice something:
NORMALLY when I get an OCD thought, I quickly jump into the mode of
“trying to proove that the opposite of the thought is true”
ie: the ROCD thought might say
“I don’t find my husband sexy”
Normally I go searching for some sort of evidence that he IS sexy.

Aha! … I realised something. I don’t have to proove myself, I don’t have to proove anything. I just need to see the liar. I don’t have to proove my love for my husband, the list goes on. All I need to do is to not believe the thought. This sounds so subtle but there is actually a huge difference between not believing a lie and trying to proof that the opposite is true of the lie. Because as soon as you try and proove something, you entertain the possibility that the lie is true.

I am a skinny girl okay? So if someone comes along to me and says
“You are kind of chubby”, I would NOT pull up my top and try to proove the opposite … I wouldn’t agonise for hours trying to disprove this lie. I think I would kind of either look blankly at them, think they where pulling the piss or I would say “Um yeah right” (sarcastically of course). I don’t have to proove anything.

I am Relationship OCD sufferer but there are some days that I am free of it, others I am not.

 

OCD … thats not true

Some more lies tried to run me over today, but I decided not to believe in them AGAIN.
I am not completely sure why, but I seem to be developing the ability to “see” more and more of my misperceptions. The below verse comes to mind as I write this:

1 Corinthians 3:6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered the plants, but God made you grow.

I suppose the reason being, is I planted the seed (decided to believe it was a lie) by doing this I then walked forward in faith and was watered by those who responded around me. However it’s neither I who planted or those who watered who is at the center of this process – its God. He’s given me the ability through the action of faith to transform my mind so that I can see.

Today I believed the lie that I wasn’t good enough, well it was for a short moment, until I decided to give it the boot and be the lovely person I really am. I felt so empowered. Instead of cowering or bowing down to the lie, I stood proud, proud of my body (ignored the lie that I should feel ashamed), and I let my personality shine. I let my intelligence come forth, my love come forth and my social butterfly strengths where unleashed. I smiled, I felt as good as the people I was talking too. I felt confident, I felt worthwhile and I felt valuable. Sorry. lets take out that “felt” part, because actually it was more important to say that “I was confident, worthwhile and valuable”, and the feeling on this occasion happened to follow.

I am noticing recently, that my mind has been responding to a simple and immediate response of: “Thats not true”. This has been my response to all OCD thoughts. They don’t get entertained fullstop. And my mind has been strengthened because I have decided to believe it myself. I am tired of looking for proof from some outside source – its an illusion that will never be quenched.

I’ve noticed that even with people that I feel intimidated by, I realise I still have the “way out” that the Lord promises me … that “way out” is to not agree with the intimidation, and I can say “thats not true”. It persists for a bit, but after a while, I am noticing my mind is really responding to the training I have been giving it. God has been good and is making my mind strong as a reward!!

Thats liberating. Thats freedom. On other days I suffer from Relationship OCD, doesn’t seem I suffer from it today though.

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Don’t take OCD thoughts seriously

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I found the following testimony online today, and I thought I’d share it. This is not MY story, but this article has alot treasures in it for OCD sufferers. The form of OCD I suffer from is Relationship OCD. I hope this girls story helps you what ever kid of OCD you suffer from. And as my husband says … we all have OCD to varying degrees 🙂 I’ve highlighted the parts that are the most valuable to me.

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/community/personal-stories/dont-take-ocd-doubts-seriously

Don’t take OCD ‘doubts’ seriously

 I suffered from mild  OCD for 4 years. It started in 2010 and lasted till 2014. My OCD was mainly the ‘checking’ type (i.e door knobs, gas stove knobs, checking mails again and again before sending to see if I am really conveying what I wanted to etc)

I’m happy to say that I’m almost completely recovered now. Sure, there are episodes when i get pulled back to old ‘checking and rechecking’ habits but it is usually very short-lived and I am able to jump back to normalcy very quickly.

I want to briefly share with you what helped me. If your OCD is of different type than my own give it a try. Anyway I believe that foundation for all kinds of OCD is ‘doubt’ and in that way all types of OCD are similar and it is likely that what has helped treating my type of OCD can help treat your type also. Please don’t lose heart; OCD is very treatable with various kind of therapies like CBT, ET etc…and medicines……it is just a matter of time before you narrow down (with the help of a therapist/psychiatrist) on what works best for you.

Experts believe the OCD is a disease mostly of the doubt, i.e it originates because of the doubts your mind comes up with. (Example: I know I switched off the gas knob but somewhere there is a doubt in my mind that I didn’t do it etc.). In fact, earlier OCD used to be called ‘doubting disease’.

OCD gets going when you start taking this ‘doubt’ seriously. You think ‘oh..somewhere in the corner of my mind there is a doubt whether i really switched off  the gas…maybe that doubt is legitimate?’ Giving credence to this doubt is what gives the OCD its foothold. So if you have doubts like this then below are some points to help you disregard/ignore these doubts:

1) Say to yourself : I know this doubt is there in my mind whether I switched off the gas or not. But it is just a doubt..I KNOW in a corner of my mind that I switched off the gas. So whatever this ‘doubt’ I am having is illegitimate…it’s just a trick that my mind is playing…so I will not take the doubt seriously. And by the way, is this ‘doubt’ telling me that it is 100% sure that I have NOT switched off the gas ? No it is not doing that…the stupid thing is just teasing me that’s all…I won’t take it serously. And also, there are two thoughts in my mind…one is saying that it is ~70% sure that I switched off the gas and the other is saying that it is ~30% sure that I didn’t switch off the gas…so I will give credence to ~70% thought and not to the ~30% thought(doubt).I will give credence to the doubt only when there is NO part of mind saying that it thinks that I actually I did turn off the gas.

So whenever you have these kind of negative doubts just say  to yourself  “it just FEELS that way but i know deep down what the fact is”

2) The Pink Elephant theory and the ‘No 100% assurance from the mind’ theory:If you don’t want to think about the pink elephant then rest assured thatthat is what your mind is going to think of. That is the nature of the mind. Looking at this in another way, if you insist on your mind giving you 100% assurance thatyou have switched off the gas then most definitely that is what your mind is NOT going to give you (this is the same mechanism that brings pink elephant to your mind when that is exactly what you don’t want). It WILL plant some doubt in your mind that you might not have switched off the gas. Mind will not give you 100% assurance…that is simply not in its nature. But it WILL give you enough assurance so that deep inside you you would KNOW which is fact and which is ‘illegitimate doubt’. Just grab this ‘sufficient assurance’ that your mind is giving you and move forward (in other words, disregard the ‘doubt’ element and move forward).

( A note on the 100% certainty thingy. You should think that you ARE 100% sure that you HAVE turned the switch off even though your mind is not giving you 100% assurance of that fact. You can take the ‘sufficient assurance’ given by the mind and treat it as 100%. Actually this is what you would be doing when you disregard the ‘doubt’.

(Also, the goal is NOT to GET RID of the doubt. Getting rid of the doubt is not possible because your mind won’t allow it. It is again the Pink Elephant scenario. The goal is to IGNORE/DISREGARD the doubt.)

3) Just think of what would ‘normal non-ocd’ people do when they get this kind of doubt. I’m sure they just disregard it saying ‘it just FEELS that way but I KNOW that it is not true’ and move on. Otherwise almost everybody would end up with OCD because almost everybody has these kinds of doubts. Should we allow just some silly doubts to bring us down to our knees ? No sir! Ignore the doubts and move forward. 

4) What if you start getting ‘doubts’ in ALL parts of your life; what will you do then ?

– I know that gas looks off but is it really off? Can I really trust my eyes , my nose, my senses ???- I know I hear him saying ‘yes’ but is my mind giving me 100% assurance that he said ‘yes’ and not ‘no’?

Yikes!! It can go on and on…

There is really no other way. You have to STOP taking these doubts seriously by saying that ‘it just FEELs that way…but I know deep down what the reality is’. (Actually, OCD sufferers do do this…in non-OCD parts of their life. For example: My OCD type is ‘checking’. But if you point out to me that my hands might contain lot of harmful germs even after I’ve washed my hands properly with soap(which is the doubt corresponding to ‘washing’ type of OCD) I would say ‘it just FEELS that way…I am sufficiently sure that almost all harmful germs have gone after I washed my hands with soap…and even if some germs are still present I’m sufficiently sure they are harmless because other people also have those many germs and they are all doing fine. etc. etc. )

 

5) Even when you are suffering from OCD and performing all the rituals of checking and rechecking the gas knob, you do still disregard the doubt in the end.How, do you ask ? Well, is the doubt 100% gone after all the checking and rechecking ? It has not, correct ? Remember the pink elephant ? What happens is you get exhausted after all this checking and rechecking umpteen times and just get fed up and say ‘I can’t do it any more…I’m tired. Even though the doubt is not gone, I am sufficiently sure that I have really switched off the knob. That much is enough for me.’

So, why wait till you are exhausted and wasted lot of time before saying ‘Even though the doubt is not gone, I am sufficiently sure that I have really switched off the knob. That much is enough for me’ ? Why not do it right after you have switched off the knob (and checked only once to make sure), and escape from all the suffering and wasting of time?

6) Don’t believe the world is total chaos without any order. There is order…life has evolved, why humans have evolved. Without order it would all have been dust with no life evolving whatsoever. If your mind is giving you ‘sufficient assurance’ of something then that is all you need. You don’t need absolute assurance or 100% assurance from the mind.

7) I read a book which talks about how the key to tackling OCD is ignoring/disregarding the ‘doubt’ element, which is essentially the same thing that I have explained above. I have forgotten the name of the book but google ‘IBT’ (Inference Based Therapy, I think it means). I think it is called ‘Clinicians handbook of IBT’ or something like that. Read it if you can find it. It is meant for professional therapists but I think even patients can benefit from it.

Some of the above mentioned points are from some of the OCD books I have read and some I have come up with on my own.

If you think all this has helped you please share it with other people who you think will benefit from it. Also, please contact a professional therapist/psychatrist to get additional treatment.

 

You can stop calling me Guilty

Today I saw the devil at work again. I’m a bit tired of his old games. And I’m a little tired of trying to “figure out his tricks”. You see, it doesn’t matter how clever or cunning those tricks are, I don’t have to waste my time trying to figure out anything.

Guilt has this nasty little way of trying to worm in right when i am relaxing and having fun.

“I am allowed to have fun” was my response today when I realised that the guilt was lurking in the shadows. Not just that, but that this guilt is actually a PERSON, my personal enemy … the devil at work again. I am guilty of nothing. I had a blissed out day in the sunshine today with my family  …  I don’t have to believe the things I “think that I think” because I said so. I have that authority to say just that, because I was given that free gift by Jesus, Lord and Saviour of my life.

Know your enemy! I’m starting to realise mine is not me, but a personality in the spirit. AHHHHH so that is what the Bible means. So this is real. I don’t feel guilty, I don’t feel ashamed. I don’t believe the lies.

Today, I won more ground, and other days I struggle with Relationship OCD.