My rOCD jar

Yesterday my husband said to me that I should have a list of things that “I really WANT to do” PLUS a little money jar…. every time I get the OCD niggles, I do something on that list, and if money is needed, then crack open the jar ….. 🙂 What a beautiful idea! I think YOU should do it too!!!

  1. Paint the picket fence white (buy white outdoor paint)
  2. Fill the boarders of downstairs patio with plum slate (buy the slate + black plastic)
  3. Transplant the water plants from the pond (buy a big pot)
  4. Plant tulips bulbs at the top of the drive (buy tulip bulbs)
  5. Paint the shed (decide on colours and buy outdoor paint)
  6. Plant the eucalypt tree
  7. Take clippings from mother-in-laws garden (prepare pots and place in greenhouse)
  8. Plant holly bush (from Liz)
  9. Look into buying some sand for the sand pit
  10. Look into rubber edging for sandpit

I will gradually add to this list as I go … but this is a start, I hope you are feeling inspired too. I just realised, that everything on this list is an out-doors thing, that if I was not in the UK, I wouldn’t be doing. I’m realising just how blessed I am.

Screen Shot 2016-04-28 at 9.28.44 pm
Inspiration for three tone colours to paint the shed “Beach Hut Style”. But use Grey/Blue’s instead…

Be confident. Be sure.

A provocative statement coming from someone who suffers from OCD.
I was challenged by my husband the other day. We recently moved from Australia to the UK. He said to me, in terms of our decision, I had to BE CONFIDENT, that we no longer wanted to live there, but to live here in the UK. I had to decide it was OUR decision.

He had a point, and he wasn’t asking the impossible at all. It was just the attitude he was pointing out to me. To have the attitude that I am confident in our decision. It doesn’t mean that I won’t miss Australia some times, or that sometimes I didn’t like being in the UK. (Truth is I like being here). So he was challenging me to be confident about this, to act confidently, to take it as a given that we can stand behind our decisions.

… And it is just a decision. I realised that he was passing me the keys to freedom, telling me I was allowed to be in control of my life, and this was how to do it.

We need to be telling our brains, that this is what we have decided, and it will act accordingly … Brain response: “oh okay, thats all sorted then”

But when we start to question our own motives, we are telling our brains we are really not sure.
Brain response: “Look! Look! Ive got more evidence to bring to you of WHY you are NOT sure!!!!”

The moment an “OCD” thought gets thrown at us, there is a millionth of a second moment where we DO have control, and this is the moment that we DON’T BELIEVE the “evidence” that the brain is throwing out to us. We DON”T BELIEVE it when the brain says there is a threat, even when we know logically there isn’t a threat.

Response to brain: “Thanks brain, but you are wrong. There’s nothing to be worried about”
Brain response:”Okay, well lets just continue enjoying life then”

We don’t reassure our brains by looking into what it is suggesting to us:
Response to Brain: “ohh…. why did you say that? Why would you say that? Do you think its  a problem? No its not a problem because of this evidence brain”
Brain response: “Well what about this evidence, and this evidence and this evidence”

See what has happened? You just got tripped over by your brain and took the bait of OCD. You’re hooked! And the worm was its “evidence”. False evidence.

I am learning alot about my mind on other days I am a sufferer of ROCD.

 

Peace

Tonight my husband came home from work, and I was down with the kids putting them to sleep. There was a sense of peace, a sense of rest. Me sitting on the carpet with my daughter curled up going to sleep while I had one hand in the cot resting my hand on my son. I often forget this peace, which is why I am writing about it now. The sense of complete.

When he came home I just loved listening to him and the way he looked. That soft look that I like. I bought him some flowers, because he always said early in our relationship that he always wanted to receive flowers. Not that I do it often, but today I thought that i would give without waiting to receive.

Peace. Now its bed time and I am going to bed with hope and love in my heart and household.

That was my evening.

I struggle with Relationship OCD but peace is also a part of my story.

Staying with the Fear

This is the post excerpt.

Last night I was filled with fear. I couldn’t face it. I was going to call my husband to come and comfort me but I resisted the urge. Instead I stayed with the fear. I lay curled in bed with the unbearable feelings of fear all around me. As I stayed with the fear, and looked at it. The fear said to me. You want to leave your husband. You have to leave your husband. The only way to freedom is to leave your husband. I stayed with that fear. I allowed it all the space it wanted.

Suddenly, with no effort of my own. The fear released its grip. I could sense the exact moment it happened. Like a lack band stretching and then it snaps, but in a good way! The feeling of being able to breath. The feeling of a different reality with the clouds gone.

I no longer felt afraid. The next moment I looked again at what the fear said. But I got an incredible insight into my fear. I did not WANT to leave my husband. But the fear rather was this: “I am afraid that I think that I want to leave my husband”

Its a big difference between actually wanting to, and being tormented by the thought. The thought that i am going to do something absolutely so terrible and horrific.

Then I thought about all the things that I was afraid to do because of this one belief that continually plays in my head. Now that I was correctly looking at the lie I was believing I could do everything I wasn’t doing that I WANTED to do.

This is my story, I a sufferer of relationship OCDFear-is-a-Liar