Thats how I felt about today.
Things didn’t quite go as I planned them to.
I’ve been doing so super-duper well, however today somehow things got to me a bit.
I think it was triggered at the beginning of the day when I spoke to my parents.
I could “feel” my Dad about to say something that was going to trigger my OCD, so I “cleverly stopped him” … which means I went into avoidance by stopping him elaborate. Naughty me.
One thing that trips me up is the whole “meant to be thing” And that is what Dad was about to waffle on about. He was going to say how it was lucky they had a “accident” early on in their travels because if they didn’t it would have been a much worse disaster later on in their travels. THAT is what upset my OCD brain. It probably would have been alot less hurt if I had just let him finish his waffle. Instead of taking it so personally, and thinking that he was somehow applying it to me, I could have chosen to allow him to feel good about his story. But I didn’t, I shut it out by trying to protect myself.
Then I went on to talk about life here and how I have never regretted moving continents, I said this despite what my OCD might say about it. Because of course it is always going to try and say the opposite is true. So thats all good really – good that I exposed myself.
However it was the waffle from Dad that got me. Dad. I always worry what he is going to say. He’s the type of person that would put his foot in it with me, as he’s a bull in a china shop.
Then I got on the phone to my husband later this evening and we had a semi-argument. Not what I planned, but I was feeling a bit anxious and a bit upset with myself that somehow the squirmy-wormy-ocd wriggled in.
Oh and one more thing, I pressed the search button tonight, so I accidentally was a bit compulsive too. More out of an old habit though that to relieve my obsession.
Anyway, thanks for watching. That was my day. Today I got a little OCD, Relationship OCD that is.