Some more lies tried to run me over today, but I decided not to believe in them AGAIN.
I am not completely sure why, but I seem to be developing the ability to “see” more and more of my misperceptions. The below verse comes to mind as I write this:
1 Corinthians 3:6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered the plants, but God made you grow.
I suppose the reason being, is I planted the seed (decided to believe it was a lie) by doing this I then walked forward in faith and was watered by those who responded around me. However it’s neither I who planted or those who watered who is at the center of this process – its God. He’s given me the ability through the action of faith to transform my mind so that I can see.
Today I believed the lie that I wasn’t good enough, well it was for a short moment, until I decided to give it the boot and be the lovely person I really am. I felt so empowered. Instead of cowering or bowing down to the lie, I stood proud, proud of my body (ignored the lie that I should feel ashamed), and I let my personality shine. I let my intelligence come forth, my love come forth and my social butterfly strengths where unleashed. I smiled, I felt as good as the people I was talking too. I felt confident, I felt worthwhile and I felt valuable. Sorry. lets take out that “felt” part, because actually it was more important to say that “I was confident, worthwhile and valuable”, and the feeling on this occasion happened to follow.
I am noticing recently, that my mind has been responding to a simple and immediate response of: “Thats not true”. This has been my response to all OCD thoughts. They don’t get entertained fullstop. And my mind has been strengthened because I have decided to believe it myself. I am tired of looking for proof from some outside source – its an illusion that will never be quenched.
I’ve noticed that even with people that I feel intimidated by, I realise I still have the “way out” that the Lord promises me … that “way out” is to not agree with the intimidation, and I can say “thats not true”. It persists for a bit, but after a while, I am noticing my mind is really responding to the training I have been giving it. God has been good and is making my mind strong as a reward!!
Thats liberating. Thats freedom. On other days I suffer from Relationship OCD, doesn’t seem I suffer from it today though.