Below is a great testimony I read ….. For your hope, and mine!!! (Note I have edited out parts) for the full version, click the link below.
I havn’t posted on this forum in ages , first and foremost i’m too scared to do so because i revisit the terrible feelings i experienced while going through relationship ocd and worring about my sexuality.
i must say at the time it almost crippled my life my relationship , my health and me as a person. I broke up with my gf 3 years ago ( now with GOD’S help the help of my psych and my will we’re getting married ) because i kept doubting how i felt about her , it was traumatic for her and myself.
I thought i wasn’t in love with her , i noticed all her faults ( as no one is perfect ) and kept worrying about them, thinking she wasn’t the one for me. i would look at her to test if i felt anything ( butterflies ) and usually i didn’t.
This freaked me out , we argued , we cried , i’d wake up at weird hours ,
i confessed and eventually i broke down thinking she wasn’t for me. I
essentially pushed out the love of my life and it was a terrible experience for me because deep down i loved her but ocd was telling me and made me feel ( and still does ) like i didn’t . Like i said what freaked me out is that it reallly felt like i didn’t love her , and when i would ask people they would say ohh you probably don’t love her ( not knowing that i had ocd or what it can do to me ) . Whilst on our second break i had a thought maybe i don’t love women and maybe i just like men. From this day i spiralled further into depression , i hated work , i was scared and had no one to turn to except GOD. Everyday i would prey hoping i could figure myself out , but let me tell you GOD will only help those who help themselves. I visited 2 psychologists who did help but didn’t know enough about ocd to understand it and help me recover.
Then one day i met a psych who was very experienced with ocd , at the time i though i had it but i didn’t believe it was bad and was the cause of me thinking this way. This psych even has ocd himself and has spent a decade researching and writing books about ocd. He told me that what i was going through was ocd and that he had dealt with many people like me and alot had recovered, i still doubted him and it took 2 weeks for me to realise that i had ocd and was the cause of all this , it was such a relief.
The professor was expensive but i knew health both mental and physical happiness and well being was priceless so i paid and am still paying for his help. I can no say that i don’t worry so much about being attracted to guys , as i know i’m not like that, i can now say that i don’t worry so much about doubting my feelings for my fiance, things worry me everyday but i no longer feel so depressed , i do have my ups and downs and back then luvox also helped me step away from it all and did help me start recovering. Guys i feel better, and although i’m scared that just because i wrote this something bad will now happen to me i want to give you and not only you but me hope. Hope that you can do this. All you need is belief in God , i’m not a preacher but it helped me , you also need to move on through the toughest of times and not give up until you start feeling happy again , start feeling normal again, try whatever it takes to make you happy, if your meds aren’t working ( cautiously ) take others, if your psych isn’t working find another or a specialist in ocd ( very important ) and do as much research as you can because if you don’t do it know one will. You know what is making you upset so fix it! weather it is relationship ocd , fear of death , fear of aids anything please get help.
Turns out i’ve had ocd my whole life and at times it has got the better of me , when i was a kid i ate soap so my brother wouldn’t die — ocd will make you do anything to get rid of that depressing feeling , fight it and don’t give up. To this day is still have doubts but i must say they are under control , and my fiance and i still argue at times and again sometimes my ocd makes it so much worse because it magnifies everything but please keep chipping away and find happiness because you deserve it.
I only wrote this post because a member wrote an inspiring post when i was really down , it not only gave me hope but helped in my recovery , yes it might come back but God is with me and i just have to keep trying
Don’t give up, the glass is half full…