rOCD Hope stories #1

I thought I’d put together some links of some other stories of people that survived Relationship OCD. I would say, that the way any kind of OCD starts, is when we question. I think when we question, that is when we run into trouble and become unsure. This is the originating trigger. The excerpt below is not my story, but parts of someone elses story that just might help!!!

Eventually I sorted out my doubts about my marriage and learned that it doesn’t matter, that there is no “answer” to love and it doesn’t matter if you have doubts about your feelings. Many people do and it’s normal. I eventually learned that love is not something out there that serves you to make you feel good all that time. I learned that all the things I felt marriage was supposed to GIVE me was not owed to me but what I had to build. I finally saw how selfish a person I really was and decided to do things more for other people instead of taking and expecting. Eventually I learned to let things go and that was the beginning to my slow road to recovery.
Even after I started changing myself for the better, the effects of my depression, anxiety, and ocd have really taken a toll on my mind and body and was taking on a life of it’s own. I started improving by learning to let go of my over concerns for feeling good. Here was the key for me, once I gave up having to feel perfect that was when I actually started getting better. One guy at work who has lifelong insomnia told me that my insomnia was nothing. He told me I was just an amateur insomniac he said, “you gotta be like me, and not give a shiit”. I couldn’t accept that initially, but eventually I understood that by not accepting my problem I was making it worse.
My gay ocd I started to conquer when my sister asked me if I still liked girls. I told her yeah. But I can’t stop looking at men. Eventually I saw that the way I look at men and women are totally different. When I look at men I look at them because I am scared that I’d be attracted to them and that gives me anxiety.
Eventually I said to myself what’s the worst thing I can be? Bisexual? So what? Bisexuals can choose, what’s your choice? When it came to having sex with men, I asked myself is this what I want? My answer was no. Do I PLAN on actually pursuing a homosexual encounter and reenacting these scenarios in real life? My answer was hell no. Do I plan to? No. So do I want to? No. Eventually after a long time, I could let that go. Like my insomnia once I stopped caring about the worst case scenario of being bisexual, the fears started tapering off.
In any case the more I came to realize this the more I could release my obsession with my obsessions and anxiety if that makes any sense. When I stopped running from my own crazy imagination and just let them be, the less they occurred.
I saw the undercurrent of my own being if you will, who I am, who I was, and know now that it’s up to me to become who I want to become. Thoughts, feelings, emotions… I guess in the past that’s all I thought being alive was about… but when your thoughts betray you, and emotions betray you… what’s left? I was in despair because I couldn’t answer that but later I understood. There IS something else and we are more than just our thoughts and just our feelings.
I just want to tell everyone to not give up on yourselves and to take a stand, face your fears and let your preoccupations and obessions go, you do that by accepting how you are in all your misery. It’s very hard to accept but acceptance is really the first step to recovery. Can you accept it? I know I couldn’t for a long long time but eventually it comes. As long as you have hope, try hard, and know that even when you have nothing left there is still more.
Do the opposite of what your anxiety want’s you to do and you’ll come out on top of it.

Do the opposite of what your anxiety want’s you to do and you’ll come out on top of it.

Read more:


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s