Staying with the Fear

This is the post excerpt.

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Last night I was filled with fear. I couldn’t face it. I was going to call my husband to come and comfort me but I resisted the urge. Instead I stayed with the fear. I lay curled in bed with the unbearable feelings of fear all around me. As I stayed with the fear, and looked at it. The fear said to me. You want to leave your husband. You have to leave your husband. The only way to freedom is to leave your husband. I stayed with that fear. I allowed it all the space it wanted.

Suddenly, with no effort of my own. The fear released its grip. I could sense the exact moment it happened. Like a lack band stretching and then it snaps, but in a good way! The feeling of being able to breath. The feeling of a different reality with the clouds gone.

I no longer felt afraid. The next moment I looked again at what the fear said. But I got an incredible insight into my fear. I did not WANT to leave my husband. But the fear rather was this: “I am afraid that I think that I want to leave my husband”

Its a big difference between actually wanting to, and being tormented by the thought. The thought that i am going to do something absolutely so terrible and horrific.

Then I thought about all the things that I was afraid to do because of this one belief that continually plays in my head. Now that I was correctly looking at the lie I was believing I could do everything I wasn’t doing that I WANTED to do.

This is my story, I a sufferer of relationship OCDFear-is-a-Liar

 

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